Playground Shenanigans

So last night I had another panic attack. I was in my bed, reading my bible and then I felt chest pains but dismissed it as a random pain that would quickly pass and it did. But soon after, I found it difficult to breathe and kept drawing in long and deep breaths. I tried to keep calm but when it doesn’t subside, I just get scared. Eventually, I got out of bed and looked for something to do as a way of distracting myself. I wanted to decrease the chances of making it worse so I started to make pancakes! Imagine! I really wanted to eat healthily and there I am making an oily, sugary snack. It done the trick though.

I think my brother got worried about me because he stayed in the kitchen with me, chatting my ear off in a bid to further distract me. He worked a twelve hour shift so eventually he got too tired but he put an hour long comedy show onto my phone because, “you should watch something that will make you laugh.” I love him, you know! My little sister also checked up on me, started telling me about the TV program she was watching and stealing one of my pancakes. Bless her.

I was fine by the time I left the kitchen but I was scared to go back to bed so I stayed in the living room and left the light on. I’m not scared of the dark but I wanted to stop myself from falling asleep in case I didn’t wake up. A little irrational now it’s been 24 hours since it happened. Every time I dozed off, I would jump up. I will get it sorted though everyone. It’s a must to be honest.

On to happier times, my friend from college came to visit me because she’s worried about how I’ve been feeling. She lives quite a bit away from me and her trains were delayed in getting to me so she took a train halfway and a bus the rest of the way. It makes me appreciate her a little more than I did. We went out for a burger (hides face) and a chinwag. She proceeded in telling me that I have great tits, a lovely complexion, a body to be envied and that my nose is typical of a black person (my ex used to insult my nose throughout our relationship which made me develop an insecurity – my friend was basically saying there is nothing wrong with it, which I know but it’s difficult to let go of something you ultimately started believing). She also told me she likes my hair in its natural state. She gave me advice and also suggested that we go on holiday this year. I have a very good feeling that she won’t let me down. Will definitely start looking.

Totally worth the unwanted calories

Love

After eating we went to the children’s park and started playing on the swings! Probably my favourite moment in a long time. We started snap chatting our time there and posting on Instagram which I’m glad because I can look back on those posts and hopefully it will make me smile in bleak times. We also started climbing on the jungle gyms. Hilarious! Thank you my darling! *M W A H*

Spending time with my family and friends is what life is all about. I couldn’t ask for a better evening than the one I’ve just had. It’s why I value friendship so much and get so passionate about a dwindling or troubled relationship. To think that I have only known her for two years and she shows me so much love is testament that time is not a factor and connection is major. You can know people for your whole life and they don’t bring much to a relationship but you can know someone a short period of time and KNOW it’s a friendship for life.

Thank you for cheering me up doll ❤

Also, another happy time will be tomorrow. I am moving my stuff out of my student house. As much as I’m worried about finding another, the current one was difficult to live in. On the whole, I got on with my housemates but maybe I’m too old and set in my ways because there were situations that brought on depression. I always needed to get out and be by myself despite having my own room – it’s not a healthy situation to be in. so as much as I’ll miss some of my house mates, I’m happy that it’s the end of the era. I pray that my new housemates and I get on like a house on fire and we find the house that we have been praying for. I know it will work out for us.

And erm folks, smoothies are definitely back on tomorrow. I’ll be strict!

I may not have time to write a post tomorrow but won’t leave it too long before you hear from me again.

Until then, stay blessed.

~ Nay x

Don’t grow up. It’s a trap.